3AM pleasantries

Some people can sleep when they have a migraine. I cannot. Usually. I might doze off, but it is a pain induced stuporous slum or more than anything. If is as if my body is saying, “I surrender! I give up this fight.” White flag waving, the pain so intense, that nonpeaceful slumber ensues. Slumber it is not. Let me assure you. Rest, perhaps. Sleep is far from wha I would categorize this. Anything but. That constant, pain. The nonstop intensified ringing in my head. No, there is no sleep. One should not confuse one’ with closed eyes and inanimate body with actually being asleep, even with the absence of response or the presence of snoring. 

There are times when for even me, the pain is just too much. That restful slumber is all there is left. So I try. Resistance is futile. My body has given up all fight in desperate pleas for the pain to stop. Surrendered already. 
There are some days when desperation is all that is left because that strong facade is left. You’ve tried everything. Your outer shell is cracked. Your facade is crumbling. You need relief. 
There I stood last night…
I am not entirely sure why my body fails me again but my body suffers. The past several weeks my body has suffered migraine after migraine. They have been relentless. My head is tired. 
Last night that strong pain tolerance cracked. Crumbled and fell. Weak. It does from time to time. Not often but there are times when faced with some choices it just falls to its knees. 
“What do I take for the pain – now?” I asked myself again for a count that lost numbering for. 
I knew I was already at my limit for caffeine for the day. If I took another of the pain killers I knew worked, I would not sleep for at least several hours. That was not a good option for an already tired body, riddled with pain. I knew if took the other with less caffeine, I might have a better chance of sleeping but it contained aspirin which tears up my stomach. Sleep or stomach? Tough call. I could take straight Tylenol but it had not touched the pain all day, that’s where at least the Sedalmex helped dull the pain. My options were getting thin! 
I stood there and contemplated for a couple of seconds. I just wanted the pain to stop long enough to get some sleep. 
I felt like someone was blowing up a baloon in my head repeatedly and then hitting it with a sledge hammer at the same time and watching bounce off. It was a really strange sensation, actually
The prompting came: “Break the cycle.” 
It was clear. It was not what wanted to hear, perhaps because how do you do that when you are running on many hours by this point and nothing has touched it for all points and purposes? 
I could barely stand up at this point. I was only standing up because I needed to take my nighttime doses of my medications and I was going to take painkillers with them. I had my ice pack tucked under my arm ready to go. 
There I stood looking at my medicine choices…
Then it came…take ibuprofen…
That was probably the craziest idea that came to my mind in a long time! This stuff makes my bladder spasm. I had just sneezed not more than 5 minutes before making my head hurt 100 times worse and nearly wetting my pants…how was this going to be helpful?!. 
It might work, right?!. 
It might reduce the pain?!. 
I will go to sleep and I won’t feel the spasms. Maybe?!. 
Only I didn’t go to sleep right away. I couldn’t. My head hurt so bad, I was on my second ice pack rotation before drifting off to a semi-unconscious state. My head still hurt but at least I could finally plung into that restful slumber and claim I got some rest. 
Until 3:00AM…
Then bladder spasms became uncomfortable enough with my not so empty bladder. I have emptied my bladder, of course.
I have round three of the ice pack heavy weight competition…
Because bladder spasms are way more fun at 3:00AM with a migraine with 2 ice packs on your head when you are tired, crabby, sick to your stomach from the pain, and want to crawl out of your skin…
The good news is I have found the perfect combination of position and ice pack positioning…the pain has been numbed to a very dull, nagging ache in the amount of time it took me to type this out (on my iPhone). I have not moved since I put my head on the ice, except for my fingers and the silly, persistent spasms of my bladder…
…because bladder spasms are way more fun and more comfortable to try and sleep through at 3:00AM.
I will not move to a more comfortable position for my bladder…my head’s pain was worse. 
My choice was headache or bladder pain. I chose bladder pain. I willingly made that choice last night. Now my bladder is awake and angry to let me know it did not approve of my choice….

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