I just want…

Last night after Pack Meeting, Lance still needed to eat dinner. He did not eat before we went because he was not hungry. I think it was more of a case of him not wanting to slow down five minutes to eat something. It was a “bike rodeo” at Pack Meeting and he was so excited.

Piano lessons ran over and he had to check his bike and make sure everything was just right for the rodeo. There are certain things you are supposed to check, etc. see, this is not his first bike rodeo. He is a seasoned pro. 
At Pack Meeting he was awarded his Snow & Ski Sports Beltloop and Pin. These are very hard to earn as a Texas child as there are not many opportunities for snow or ski sports locally. When we went to Utah over spring break, however, we made sure that he got the requirements done. He was totally stoked that he actually got them last night! He spent a day snowboarding in Park City, Utah and he might have fallen in love. This was his first time to see a real bonafide amount of snow and not this few snowflake flutters we get once in a blue moon at home in Tomball, Texas. Should we break it to him that his big brother is not going off to college in Utah? 
Anyway, back to the fact that we had arrived home from Pack Meeting and it was past bed time and Lance is now declaring that he is “hungry.” 
I tell him to make himself a sandwich. He does this, but I hear as he is constructing his meat and cheese sandwich because he can’t find the leftover bacon slices from our hand burgers a few days ago….
“What a really want is to eat a peanut butter sandwich.”
Be still my aching momma heart! Drive a stake right through it. Instant pangs of  something I cannot even put words too. Here is my 10 year old telling me the one thing that he wants more than anything since he has been battling what seems like a losing battle with his migraine headaches. 
It hurt. It hurt to hear it. 
I know what it is like to give something up. I know what it is like to want to eat something and know what it will feel like if you do. Does he understand that?!. Does he know just how bad he will feel if we let him just that one time have what he wants most?!. 
See it was him that told us that his head hurts when he eats peanut butter. It was him that willingly stopped eating it. This was him that consciously made a choice to give something up because it made him feel bad. Here he was not quite year later telling me that what he wanted most was to eat peanut butter again. 
Maybe one peanut butter sandwich would not hurt him, but why risk it?!. Why let him inflict that pain on himself?!. I will confess, I did not say anything the other day when I saw him eat a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. He did not feel well afterward. He just didn’t know that the word but on the box meant that it actually contained nuts because you cannot see the nuts. 
So what does one sandwich matter?!. 
For one 10 year old boy it might mean the pain that puts him in bed for the rest of the day…or the smile on his face…
Today, I am going for the smile on his face, I hope…
I found these beauties at Sprouts this morning. He’s going to have that “peanut butter” sandwich when he gets home from school today. If he has a bad, crappy day the rest of the day after that because we failed then so be it, but at least I will know we tried. 
We’ve tried other peanut butter substitutes…they have all failed so far. They have been worse than the peanut butter, just as bad, or not quite as bad just a delayed response. 
This one is not a nut butter. This one is not a seed butter. This is made from non-GMO peas. 
The best thing is that it is kosher so I can try it right along with him. I miss peanut butter too. 
He misses Nutella so I am hoping the chocolate one is a nice compromise as well. 
If not…it will be a $14 experiment to try and bring a smile to his face, but at least I can say we tried…again. 
I love that boy, headaches and all. 

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