What people hear

It always amazes me that people hear exactly what they want to hear when they want to hear it. They might be listening, but are they truly listening to the depth of the conversation and really hearing what is truly being said?

For example if someone says that someone says a situation is difficult for them on a particular day, it does not mean that it is impossible. It means what it is – difficult. Look at the situation. Are they making it work? Are the circumstances ideal? No, they told you they were difficult. They did not say they were impossible, merely that they would merely like them to be better or improve in some way. That was in no way an affirmation that it was an “I cannot do this” or even “I cannot make this work.” This was simply a statement of how the situation was not ideal and could improve.
Now if one was to say change the day and ask if this was okay and receive the response, “that would be difficult for me.” Again, that is not an astute negative answer, it is an affirmation of a situation and how it would not be easy or ideal. It is no way a reflection or attack on anyone or any person or their choices just a statement of their own situation as it is. Without passing judgment, the change of day would be difficult if left at the same time.

Now if someone says that if moving the day is would be difficult but they could make it work, however moving the time to an earlier slot is not okay, then suddenly all they have heard is that the day does not work. That is not what was said. Let us recap that for a second: “Moving the day while not ideal, would be difficult but it would be workable. Things would have to be moved around a little bit, but things could be worked around. Moving it to earlier in the day would not work.” No where in that statement was it stated that the day was unworkable, only that it was unworkable during certain circumstances. Again, however, the inquisitor as we will call them heard exactly what they wanted to hear, not what they were told.

It could have only been more clear if it had been spelled out in “yes” and “no” answers. However, life is not always as clear as “yes” and “no” in certain circumstances. It is just not always that easy. See sometimes there are shades of grey to muddy the waters of this thing we call life. Circumstances are not always as clear cut as “yes” and “no.” Sometimes things are, sometimes they are not. Life is not so easy. Sometimes we can do things if certain other things fall into place and we have everything clearly aligned in our favor. Other times it is not so easy.

The point is, we are all human and we all have lives. We all have these various things that influence our “blacks” and “whites” and thus our clear colors get muddied a little. We have subtle hues instead of clear precise colors. When we have multiple children, those clear lines get muddled even more. Sometimes we might have a very nice shade of medium grey we have to interface with. We might not like it, but it means we have to make hard choices. We actually have to choose what we are going to do and when. We have to make hard choices.

It also means that sometimes we cannot say one way or the other those “definitive” answers to hard questions. Yes you might like me to give you a clear answer of “yes” or “no” to something if something will work or not, but I may not be able to. It is not always that easy. However, when I do give you an answer it is just as important for you to listen to the answer and actually listen to what I am telling you, not to what you want to hear. I may be telling you more than you think I am. See I am not trying to weasel my way out of something, I am simply being honest. If you listen, you will see that I am telling you the truth – if the universe aligns just right, things will work out as they need to. Sometimes that will work for your plans, sometimes not. However, it does not mean that I did not tell you the answer you asked for. It just means you need to listen with more intent.

So when I tell you something will work IF actually listen to what I say next. If I tell you something will NOT work IF, definitely listen to what comes next.

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